It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
