I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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