shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize