I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
