so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
