I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
