Me. At least after what I've been through.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
