If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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