i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize