just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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