i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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