I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
