HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
