No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
