So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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