he shaved USA in his pubs
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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