she looked like the before picture.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The Olympian is in my bed
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
