I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
