and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
