i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
