tell your sister to shave her snatch
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
