Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
