would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize