I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
