how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
