I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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