I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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