I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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