And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
