Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
