I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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