Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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