I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
