I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
