drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
