Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
