Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
