he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
