I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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