so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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