So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
