Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
