I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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