CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
