I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
