And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
