Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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