The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize