So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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