Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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