i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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