Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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