I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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