He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So gin and wine won't be happening again
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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