she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
