I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
