he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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