We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
