apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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