shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
