I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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