I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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