Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
