I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
