had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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