Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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