Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
