I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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