They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
