oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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