Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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