I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
